Tuesday, February 17, 2015

#WHOGOAT (Late post)

If there's a Master's Degree of having your heart broken, I definitely would have one. I’m not talking about romantic relationships per se – I am referring to this as a general concept of relationships (family, friends, etc …) It is a tough thing to go through indeed and one would think that letting go would be easier as time goes by, but no. Perhaps because I tend to forget how that particularly feels, although we all know that it hurts like hell.

I have always believed that I wear my heart on my sleeves, but I realized that I really don’t – I ACTUALLY place it on the other person’s hand which allows them to drop it or even trample on it, heck, maybe just for the fun of it. My heart has been broken so many times already that it still amazes how the hell I am managing to hold it altogether - perhaps a little bit of glue here and a little bit of Band-Aid there, that’s how. LOL.

I stand by what my arm ink says: “I regret nothing.” We meet different kinds of people in our life – family members included. Each has a lesson to teach us, knowingly or unknowingly. And then there are the choices we make. Any sane person would know that every choice has its own consequence. We just have to be prepared for it and learn from it.

With each heartbreak comes what seems to be the most difficult part of it all – moving on. It is freakin’ hard because the pain is exquisitely gnawing, throbbing. I guess with time, I have become a better “coper.” I have learned that smiling more and laughing more help in burying all the hurt and the pain – be it past or present. It’s pretentious, yes, but to each his own right? What would give me away are my eyes; well, at least, those who know me too well can attest to that – my eyes never fail to betray me and it sucks.

Yes, sometimes, it sucks to be me.

But…with all these, I am slowly learning to love myself more. I have always admitted that I’ve self-esteem issues most of my life but now I am trying to get rid of ‘em – and I believe I am getting there, baby steps. My confidence is slowly building up and it’s a nice feeling. Self-respect is another thing I need to work on. It is true what they say, respect yourself and others will respect you. Somebody once told me that I am a pushover, and he may be right – although I have always believed that I am also kind which is also mistaken as being a pushover. :p

Happiness and love are not overrated. Again, let me be clear that I am talking in a general context. Our only enemy is ourselves. We can only allow ourselves to heal and move on. Broken or not, life is worth living. We should not eliminate love in our hearts. There are bigger problems out there – ours is just a tiny piece, and sometimes not even worth dwelling on.

I will continue to be a better person. That is a promise.

Saturday, January 24, 2015


"It's not always about trying to fix something that's broken. Maybe it's about starting over and creating something better. - Unknown"

But what if, it’s always been a one-way street? You can’t fix something all by yourself. Just like almost everything else, some things cannot be fixed by one person alone; sometimes, it has to be a team effort.

Now comes the scary part. The one always trying to fix things may not be as patient as the last several times. Things can be pretty tiring if it’s the same old shit.

Yes, I am speaking for myself. I am fucking tired. Tired to do the right things, tired to fix things, tired to be pleasant and smiling all the time. I am just tired. And lonely.

Oh gosh, I’m the great pretender. So dramatic. Ugh.

I'm beginning to hate myself more.