A MAN AND A WOMAN (movie review)

This movie is about two strangers who met at the school of their kids in Finland who were about to go on a camping trip with their teachers. Sang-Min (Jeon Do-Yeon) asks Ki-Hong (Gong Yoo) for a light and asked him where the camp is. Ki-Hong then volunteered to drive her there. Heavy snow forced them to spend the night at an inn where they exchanged short, awkward conversations. They have decided to take a walk the following morning and ended up in a secluded sauna where their intimacy began.

They leave the next day without knowing each other's names. Eight months later in South Korea, Ki-Hong was walking by when he saw Sang-Min fixing her window display at her boutique. It was slowly revealed that they were both married and both having significant family and marriage issues. In time, they were able to reconnect perhaps due to that common bond that they have and began a secret affair, which served as their escape from their difficulties in their family lives. The man and the woman spent nights together still to escape when the realization came that their own separate lives are falling apart. The movie ends with both Sang-Min and Ki-Hong back to the country where they first met.

This movie is so heart wrenching that i was still bawling whilst the film's closing credits are rolling. Gong-Yoo is a superb actor and you can feel and see the loneliness in his eyes when he had to make that difficult decision. The scene where he drove past her looking at the rear-view mirror with tears in his eyes as if pleading to the Gods crushed my heart. The steamy scenes were tastefully done and i was very surprised and breathless because, yeah, Gong Yoo, hello! I'm not used to seeing him in those kind of scenes so it was a shockingly yummy experience. Jeon Do-Yeon, on the other hand, was equally wonderful. You can feel her emotional pain when she realized that it was over between them. This is not a film with a happy ending but it is worth watching. So achingly beautiful, profound and compelling. I give this a 10/10.

#WHOGOAT (Late post)

If there's a Master's Degree of having your heart broken, I definitely would have one. I’m not talking about romantic relationships per se – I am referring to this as a general concept of relationships (family, friends, etc …) It is a tough thing to go through indeed and one would think that letting go would be easier as time goes by, but no. Perhaps because I tend to forget how that particularly feels, although we all know that it hurts like hell.

I have always believed that I wear my heart on my sleeves, but I realized that I really don’t – I ACTUALLY place it on the other person’s hand which allows them to drop it or even trample on it, heck, maybe just for the fun of it. My heart has been broken so many times already that it still amazes how the hell I am managing to hold it altogether - perhaps a little bit of glue here and a little bit of Band-Aid there, that’s how. LOL.

I stand by what my arm ink says: “I regret nothing.” We meet different kinds of people in our life – family members included. Each has a lesson to teach us, knowingly or unknowingly. And then there are the choices we make. Any sane person would know that every choice has its own consequence. We just have to be prepared for it and learn from it.

With each heartbreak comes what seems to be the most difficult part of it all – moving on. It is freakin’ hard because the pain is exquisitely gnawing, throbbing. I guess with time, I have become a better “coper.” I have learned that smiling more and laughing more help in burying all the hurt and the pain – be it past or present. It’s pretentious, yes, but to each his own right? What would give me away are my eyes; well, at least, those who know me too well can attest to that – my eyes never fail to betray me and it sucks.

Yes, sometimes, it sucks to be me.

But…with all these, I am slowly learning to love myself more. I have always admitted that I’ve self-esteem issues most of my life but now I am trying to get rid of ‘em – and I believe I am getting there, baby steps. My confidence is slowly building up and it’s a nice feeling. Self-respect is another thing I need to work on. It is true what they say, respect yourself and others will respect you. Somebody once told me that I am a pushover, and he may be right – although I have always believed that I am also kind which is also mistaken as being a pushover. :p

Happiness and love are not overrated. Again, let me be clear that I am talking in a general context. Our only enemy is ourselves. We can only allow ourselves to heal and move on. Broken or not, life is worth living. We should not eliminate love in our hearts. There are bigger problems out there – ours is just a tiny piece, and sometimes not even worth dwelling on.

I will continue to be a better person. That is a promise.

SURREAL

i was still
i was quiet..

then you came

you crept into the night
i was taken aback
shuddering..

you took me in your arms
lulling me to sleep..

i awoke..

darkness ceased
denoting the coming of dawn..

i was suddenly cold and breathing frost..
the warmth was gone..

alas, you were all but a dream...

APOLOGIZE

I'm holding on your rope
Got me ten feet off the ground
And I'm hearing what you say
But I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down
Wait...
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around and say..

That it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

I'd take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
(But that's nothing new)
Yeah yeah
I loved you with a fire red, now it's turning blue
And you say
Sorry like the Angel Heaven let me think was you,
But now I'm afraid

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
Woahooo woah

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah yeah
I said it's too late to apologize, a yeah

I'm holding on your rope
Got me ten feet off the ground...

ENIGMA

Perplexed…Mesmerized…
It's freaking me out, just had to cry…
Where have you been?

Could it be?

Dew drops felt
Cold mist seen
My sight is foggy
But still…

Could it be?

Myths of passing love echoes in vain
A weeping voice heard in the depth of the night…mine…
My heart is bathed in darkness…
And I am parched…
Breathless…terrified…

Could it be?


The beauty of sadness is much too blinding
And lightning strikes my severed soul
I fled…I bled…I fell…

Again....

Could it be?

-ooshposh-

ALMOST LOVER - Part 3

To CW: May fate be kind to you...

ALMOST LOVER - Part 2

PR#2: A year and half passed. One day, CW was invited to a christening of an officemate's baby. There she met Knightrider or KR for short. Both of them are godparents. KR is very, very good looking with a snobbish attitude - she says, "a man with an Oooooohhmmpp." (I'm guessing he's got a great bod too because of the latter description.) Naturally, CW immediately took notice of him but just shook herself back to reality as (a) she knows he wouldn’t take a second look at her, and (b) he was with his fiancée (my friend saw the ring on the woman he was cuddly with). Admittedly, she caught KR staring at her, in a more calculating way, but she was quite oblivious about it because of the aforementioned reasons. Reception came, and fate, really, as I would always say, has sometimes a weird sense of humor - she was assigned at the same table with gorgeous KR along with other (mutual - as it turned out) friends, thus, they were introduced to each other. His fiancée, by the way, left immediately after the blessing and prayers were made. They managed to get into a conversation and all the while CW tried really hard, with all her might, not to act like a hormone-driven teenager around him. So, he got her number, she got his. Soon they were constant "textmates" and would even send senseless one-word messages, even punctuation marks. CW also saw this as another opportunity of getting over VV. Yes, KR might be a rebound of sorts, but for her, if it would help moving forward, she ought to try it. She and KR would meet once in a while and ostensibly, CW found herself feeling euphoric just being with him (even while relating all this to me, she inserts a lot of giggles in her sentences - sigh).

Now, another year has passed…KR barely texts her anymore when they're not together (oh, I forgot to mention earlier, KR is a serial player - he admitted it to CW herself). Now, my friend wonders and the thought persists, what do they have? Naturally, she also threw the same question at me…I asked her if she has feelings for KR. She goes, "Not really" and I somehow managed a stifled "huh?" I am flabbergasted honestly. I told her the brutal truth, that she is in a moronic cycle, but if it makes her happy, I'd totally give her my blessing. My advice? She should just enjoy the moments they're together, and most importantly, if she can help it, not to fall for KR, or else….

HOMAYGAD…

ALMOST LOVER - Part 1

A very good friend from elementary days asked, nay pleaded, to meet with me. Let's call her CW for Catwoman. "I have a big problem," she says. And so we decided to meet up, have dinner, and then coffee afterwards. I can sum up her problem in one word - PSEUDORELATIONSHIP(S) - a relationship without clarity, open-ended, hanging…the funny (or sad) part is this is her second one. So I sat there, gawking at her and had to restrain myself from strangling her. See, CW is still in the mends - in other words, she's been quite bruised and jaded because of a failed relationship - and yet, here she goes again so you can't blame me for almost wanting to scream "WTF?!?!"

Anyways, she debriefed me of what has happened for the last several years - as we haven’t seen each other in like ages albeit keeping in touch once in a while. So a quick history…Her first pseudorelationship, PR#1, was with a very charming, BUT married guy - let's call him Voltes V or VV for short. They were friends from college who eventually got closer as they shared the same interests, and both of them are "makulit" and "malambing" (some are quite opinionated and blurted out that they are "soulmates"). At the onset of their growing friendship, they had this agreement of sorts that neither should FALL for the other. Oh yeah, they fooled around big time and discovered yet another thing - that they are sexually compatible. And so things went on and were status quo for about a year or two. Until CW began to feel spaced-out around him - she would get secretly jealous with every girl VV showers his charms on, and boy was she scared! A voice in her head was chiding her, constantly nagging her of the pact they made. However, the time came when she decided to acknowledge that, yeah, she was hooked. Apparently, VV took notice and naturally, he asked. She had to give him the "to-hell-with-the-consequences-I'm-gonna-tell-you-how-I-feel" attitude…She cursed herself but nonetheless decided that if he bails out on her, so be it, an open-and-shut case.

Yet, CW was taken aback by his reaction and it was a complete shock to her. He seemed to be okay with it and just shrugged it off - he didn’t run away! In fact, he was even sweeter in the days to come. According to her, VV was level headed, they would have conversations about whatever it is they "have" and promising nothing - which of course is the right thing to do. Unfortunately for CW, she would have her "gaga" moments (I wouldn’t blame her as we all have those moments whether we like it or not). Anyhow, the time had come for VV to migrate to Ireland and CW saw this as an omen of sorts that it's time to let go - though at the back of her mind, she knows she couldn’t. When VV left, my friend cried buckets of tears (it was those times pala that her texts are depressing) and was really, really hanging on. Both of them kept in touch ergo making it harder for her to move on. VV was still not promising anything nor would he tell her he loved her (DUH?!) and dear CW was okay with that - and hung on…A few years passed until their e-mails became less frequent. She used to e-mail him as frequently as she can, but his replies were often delayed. She also found out something he did when they were on the fooling-around stages (which, when later asked about it he vehemently denied). It hurt her so she gathered up enough courage and had her resolve that indeed, it might be time to move on.

MOON TIDE

(written 03/22/2008)

Some good things never last. Yep, the Barbra Streisand song. As much as you wanna be analytical about this, you always end up asking the eternal question - WHY? Why can't good things last forever? Why does it have to stop? What's the point of feeling good when in the end you'll feel bad again? They say it's supposed to make you stronger and it's supposed to make you learn the ways of life. But not you. You're feeling bitter as time goes by. It's baffling why people will make you feel special and then just vanish in thin air. Then comes the part where you wallow. And then you get by, become okay, and move on. And then, out of the blue, they find a way to infiltrate your contented little world again. WHAT THE?!?! Damnit, it confuses the hell out of you. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Such a cruel world. Then you try to be optimistic about it telling yourself "perhaps this time…" then it becomes a vicious cycle and you become powerless to stop and cut through it. Now you justify everything and think that it's the masochist in you, loving every bit of pain that you feel. Smirk, smirk…

At the moment, tears elude you (unless you're watching a sappy movie or peeling onions), but you don’t think you have lots of strength in you. You realize it only means you are getting tired of this bull-freakin'-shit and your tear ducts are all dried up. Oh yes you still goof around and smile and laugh a lot that you've got premature crow's feet (giving you the urge to have Botox), but still, inside, you feel empty…Nil…Zilch…Then a bright idea crosses your mind ---

YOU WANNA GO BUNGGEEJUMPING…

AMIGOS Y AMIGAS

it's been like ages since i poured out my catharsis here..i've been through hell and back, but there are good days for me fortunately, making me think that i really must have done something good in my life (maybe it was the day i helped an old woman cross the street or the day i gave 20 bucks to a homeless guy...)

oh gawd, what the heck, all of us deal with different types of crap from the moment we were born and perhaps confront them in our own weird way.. LIFE is, most of the time, complicated (--i really luvv this word :D) and overrated (and so with everything else in this world) and that's the freakin' truth..sometimes, it makes us do things that we painstakingly try transform ourselves into a different entity, until one day we realize we just don't like the person we've become..

but i guess this is why friendship is formulated...and i'm just SO glad that i have friends who i turn to everytime i have the urge to yammer and bitch around incessantly..and these friends NEVER fail to listen and accept me for who or what i am...their just being there for me is enough..i am content with it...it's a vice versa thing though, as i always tell them that they can always come to me even if they just wanna throw a fit, get bitchy or cranky, or perhaps they just feel like fidgeting and what-not, and i would gladly welcome them with open arms and let them be ...

this thing that we have has an upside..sometimes, if we feel like we just want to feel miserable together (e.g., just sitting and laze around with that far-away look on our faces while twisting several strands of hair and not uttering a single syllable), we do that..it makes yammering and whining a lot of fun because it makes me feel that i'm not alone in my "pathetic-ness" and sometimes it makes me realize that some of them have even bigger challenges than moi..(hence the cliche "misery loves company")...

ergo, i would like to say "THANK YOU" to these great and rare beings i call friends...thanks for putting up with my sh!t and im sorry if ever i've hurt u in one way or another..i want u guys to know that your friendship is cherished and is of great value to me..it's a relief that there are still people like u in this gene pool and i sure hope that u don't have a "Best Before" seal stuck on ur foreheads...

with that said (or written), here's a toast for u.. KAMPAI!!!

EXPRESSIONS

(written on 12/14/05)

"I know im wrong..that i've assumed too much..you're NOT JUST INTO ME, now i end up falling flat on my face..i've got bruises all over me..i'm wounded and hurt..but it will be over soon..hopefully..but then again, you have no right to make me feel this way, you have no right to hurt me..you have no right to play with my heart..you have broken it many times already whilst i'm still trying to mend it..i don't know how much i can endure with this, but i will take it slow..my heart is still trying to breathe, but it is now dying a slow, painful death.."

These are just a few lines that i once wrote a long time ago, which inspired me to write again..It somehow occurred to me that no matter how strong we think we are, love would make us vulnerable and somehow needy, to the point of being pathetic..the people who hurt us may or may not realize it, perhaps because they are dumb asses or just plain deficient in human sensibility..yet, even with the knowledge of them making a fool out of us, still, we torment ourselves into believing things that we want to believe -- in other words, we become IMBECILES...

It makes me wonder sometimes why we let ourselves to be consumed by such idiosyncrasies..this thing called love, revered by most of humankind, would either make you deliriously happy or disgustingly demented, ergo the cliche 'madly in love.'
perhaps we should play life's games without a heart..that way, we can go through it unscathed...
hmmm..just a thought...