SURREAL

i was still
i was quiet..

then you came

you crept into the night
i was taken aback
shuddering..

you took me in your arms
lulling me to sleep..

i awoke..

darkness ceased
denoting the coming of dawn..

i was suddenly cold and breathing frost..
the warmth was gone..

alas, you were all but a dream...

OH WELL...

I really miss blogging. Yet here i am, again, at a loss for words. I've been trying to wrack my brain for something to write about these past several months. Maybe i've become lazy also and may just be making an excuse for not having been able to write.

Hmmm... As of the moment, i am multitasking - working (editing) and blogging. How come, you would ask... Well, i guess, though i still don't have any idea of what to write here, i've got this intense urge to still jot down perhaps just a few sentences.

One thing is for sure, i'd say that i'm quite a stubborn person. I've recently experienced another (yes, another one) stupidity wherein i don't have to wait for my friends' wagging fingers while saying, "tsk, tsk...i told you so!" because all i have to do is look in the mirror and say that to myself - of course, with matching slapping of the forehead drama. Oh well, i guess i haven't learned that's all. I still want to believe that in every person's rude/aggressive exterior lies a good heart, somehow, lurking inside, just waiting to be tapped. Of course, being the dramatic person that i am, i've always wanted to be the "heroine" who would be able to make the "good" person come out. Alas, i've failed... Again...

Blimey.

Parenting Part II

School days are here once again. Every parent is caught in the frenzy - buying of school supplies, wrapping of notebooks and textbooks, and then constantly checking the kids' homework, projects, activities etc. I don't get to do all of those since i have other family members in the house, so lucky for me. However, when they have activities, i see to it that i am the one who is there (unless my kid fails to notify me - which happened - and the guilt is really consuming).

I'm still not very confident with my parenting skills. I just hope they know and are aware that I am trying my best. I am not a perfect parent, of course I too have flaws, but still, I am trying really hard to be the best parent to them.

Wish me luck. :D

SO DANG CONFUSING

So friggin' frustrated.

Struggling to understand.

It's not even worth it, yet, here I am…again…

What is it that I still don’t know?

I just want to understand…I might be missing something here…

But of course honesty is overrated…nevertheless, just a teeny weeny bit wouldn’t hurt, would it? Just to make room for more understanding…and knowledge…as such, mistakes or misconceptions won't be made again…

Either I'm that dense or just plain freakin' dumb.

WHAT THE??!!!

CEREBRAL CORROSION

I just couldn’t get over the fact that I haven’t been writing something here. I've been putting off most things the past few months. Yeah, of course I noticed. There had been moments where I would have this gripping desire of jotting down thoughts or emotions, even through using my mobile phone, but then again I would end up getting lazy and again putting it off.

I feel like my brain cells are getting rustier by the minute. I mostly couldn’t think of things to write about -- those "moments" I mentioned earlier are quite rare. It's really kind of pretty scary as I love writing. I don’t want to blame it on the so-called "writer's block" because I'm not really that one helluva writer so if I use that, it would be a lame, pathetic excuse.

I dunno. I feel senseless, witless, dull…I guess my neurons are not that quick anymore.

Now please allow me to borrow Jessica Zafra's line: "I think I should get a lobotomy."

P.S.

I think I'm back into my "bad" ways…

Holy crap.

The Fallen One

A LITTLE RANT

Yeah, yeah..So it's been a month.

I'm friggin' bored. And I'm effin' pissed. I want to go to the beach. I want to travel. I want to go on sabbatical.

But guess what?

I COULDN'T AFFORD THESE THINGS.

I know, i know, such negativity huh? But i'm just being honest. I barely have money left every payday - almost everything goes to bills and debts to pay. Add to that what little I've been producing and of course, little production equals little salary.

I barely have a social life, let alone a fun life.

Now that's why I am such a negative Nancy.

So sue me.

APOLOGIZE

I'm holding on your rope
Got me ten feet off the ground
And I'm hearing what you say
But I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down
Wait...
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around and say..

That it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

I'd take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
(But that's nothing new)
Yeah yeah
I loved you with a fire red, now it's turning blue
And you say
Sorry like the Angel Heaven let me think was you,
But now I'm afraid

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
Woahooo woah

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah yeah
I said it's too late to apologize, a yeah

I'm holding on your rope
Got me ten feet off the ground...

BOO-FREAKIN'-HOO

This blog has taken a back burner since last month. There are times that I would want to write something but then another more important matter would come up so I'd end up forgetting the whole writing thing altogether.

It's February now. Besides Valentine's day, things had happened to me - physically. No, I didn't transform into a more radiant being nor did I become a black-winged monster, but I got sick - twice to be exact. The first one was during the first week of the month. I had a bout of tonsillitis and of course, tonsillitis equals fever. So I suffered for four days. I treated it with pain relievers and mostly conservative treatment - meaning lots of fluids. I didn’t get the rest I really wanted but I tried to take a nap in between work. So then I got better. I celebrated my being tonsillitis-free with tequila - two bottles of tequila, that is. Of course, it wasn’t all me, my brother was there along with two close friends.

The following week, I got an ear infection. See, I got this habit of constantly cleaning my ears - sometimes I'd do it three times a day. I know, I know. My bad huh? But I can't help it, I swear. So there you go - otitis externa. Imagine my dilemma, I do listening for a living. I had to listen to dictations using one ear. And by golly, the pain! It's just so friggin unbearable! Of course, I took mefenamic acid then NSAIDs (non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs) and had otic drops, but really, I just couldn’t take it - mind you, I consider myself to have a high pain tolerance. There was this one moment, while working in the wee hours of the morning, that I decided to take one capsule of mefenamic acid then a nap to help maybe ease the pain. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get a shut-eye because of the damn pain. And I ended up crying. Boo-hoo.

Everybody was telling me to go to the doctor (even my mom called) and I keep on telling them that I would. I was even at home on Valentine's day instead of celebrating out because of this infection. I cried buckets of tears - yes, I admit because it's V-Day and because of intolerable pain. (Oh, my brother and cousin-in-law both gave me roses so I cried - again.)

My youngest son gave me a Valentine card in advance with our picture in it so just thinking about it that day also gave me the sniffles. Then, my eldest, who is supposedly the sweeter one, forgot to greet me or say the usual "I love u" routine. Boo-hoo.

It was today that I'm supposed to get my ear checked up. But I'm feeling better already. I can hear a little clearly now and there is little, if any, pain.

So there.

P.S. - I sent this text message to a friend during V-Day. I actually got it from the web and changed it a little bit. Here goes:

Never say "I love you" if you don’t care.
Never talk about feelings if they're not there.
Never touch a life if you mean to break a heart.
The cruelest thing to do is to let someone fall in love with you when you don’t intend to catch that someone fall.

Yun na.

P.P.S.

Another friend said Valentine's day is also known as "Single Awareness Day" which of course has the acronym SAD. No pun intended. Cool!

LOST - Michael Bublé

I just love this song...very inspiring *sigh*...(I'd imagine as if Michael Bublé, is singing this for me hihihihi!!!)

Michael Bublé - New Music - More Music Videos

2008 - THE WHOLE NINE YARDS...

It's been a long time since i've visited and written here. I was really planning on writing last December, at least before 2008 ended, however, I just didn't have time to do so. I've been wanting to write about things (recent or not) that have happened to me last year. Generally speaking, it was a good year for me, not excellent, but pretty good. Naturally, mistakes had been made, as always - i am but a mere mortal. Things got lost and found. Places visited and re-visited and people discovered and re-discovered.

Let's see. I went to Puerto Galera (for the first time, courtesy of my beloved cousin, Gina) on Valentine's day (Yeah!) and revisited Baguio after 9 years (yipee!). I also revisited lovely Sorsogon twice. I was able to go to the "sosyal" Embassy Superclub (courtesy of my cousin's cousin-in-law), free of charge at that. Cool huh?

I was scheduled to go to Dubai, underwent a series of medical tests, unfortunately, the employer turned me down the last minute (after spending dineros for the requirements - and yes, i am perfectly healthy) because apparently they wanted someone who could work for them ASAP. Oh well...

Mid-year, career transition, the bosses gave me a PC (my personal old one was not usable anymore), applied for internet connection, so I could work from home thus giving me much more time with the kids (and creating this blog). Definitely!

Financially, I did okay until mid-year, but quite downsloped towards the end of the year. Credit card and other bills - all that jazz. A "friend" asked for a loan through my mom - the first one was okay - she made the scheduled payments - then asked for a second loan. That was when things went bad - paid only half and made promises to settle. But she didnt. I based everything on trust and friendship. You know what happened next. I never heard from her again. This means, I'll be the one paying for it. (By the way, this is the second time a friend borrowed money from me - and yes, i never learned... sh!t).

My kids got theater, streetdance and badminton lessons. What can I say, i've got talented sons!

My very generous cousin (Gina) bought me a sofa and a bed. Yey! Unfortunately, our TV and washing machine broke (the washing machine was rescued, the TV, nope), and then i lost my cellphone. Dammit - I have my Metallica song collection there, dammit, dammit..

Come December, i received a new cellphone and Gina bought a laptop for me - which i would be paying for the whole year of 2009 - not bad huh? Now, i'd be able to work even if i'm away from home.

My mother visited us here in Manila and met our African-American neighbor and his Filipina wife. They offered us red wine and champagne. And then my mother got drunk. It was really funny seeing my mom throw up! But she had a great time, that i can tell you.

I resolved to go back to attending Sunday masses just this last December. Feels really good.

A long lost cousin was found - we had a reunion of sorts post-Christmas. It went great. His father (whom he hasnt seen for a couple of years) came (and cried) and another uncle - the one the nieces and nephews considered to be the strictest and most conservative - also arrived...and he let his hair down. Finally!

So, not bad huh?