Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Biting the Dust

i have suddenly become resentful of everything. what bugs me is the realization that my life has been a string of cliches. the memories of having done good to others seemed bleak, nonexistent. but i guess all those do not really matter. maybe it's about time to stop being so damn caring about everyone else.

in general i really am not happy with the way my life is going. again, the happy memories are blurry. what happened? i seemed to be forever sinking. i was never successful. i was always an average person, not great at anything. i've always struggled with everything - money, love, and what-not. it's frustrating. they said it's good to go down because there would be no way else to go but up. but why does it seem to me that my life is nothing but a slow, agonizing plunge into the abyss? i may see something to hold on for a while but then it would always be taken away from me - life is that cruel because it would always manage to take it away from my grasp no matter how i'd cling onto it. it's crippling, desensitizing...it made me realize that i might just have to let myself get sucked down this hole...i'm way too tired to fight.

well i guess i just don't deserve to be happy.

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