NEW THOUGHTS

(written on 02/08/2006)

This part should be labeled "old thoughts" not new thoughts. Why? Because I guess things that will be written here will just be the same complaints and whines, as what I have in my previous, err, writings.

Earlier today, what could have been a wonderful day quite ended up a sad day…and a tearful one at that. I'm still wondering when I will have the courage to say what I wanna say and not just bottle them up. That is still my dilemma -- saying how I feel -- if I'm giddy with love or I'm as angry as a bear. Tears have been shed earlier, and most of those tears are tears of dismay. I couldn’t believe that a person very, very close to my heart would be able to think less of me -- and it breaks my heart! My heart has just been starting to gather up its pieces from countless heartaches and yet, it is being wounded again, which made me ponder "will this ever heal?"

Yet, I see a spark of hope ignited within me…Perhaps this too, shall pass…or will be forgotten. As I have always prayed that tears will elude me, still, there's always the notion that this prayer will sometimes go unanswered…but then again, that is life. A life without tears will leave you weak and unguarded.I would wish to catch a glimpse of what tomorrow would bring, but it remains bleak at this time -- still without certainty. All I could do is hope, learn, and pray…